Tue, 7 October

Cuong Tu
The little refugee is like the iron curtain in the sticks and a trash talker straight from an episode of Jerry Springer. His wife does like to watch me play football even though she does not understand me.

Gary Boland
Mole removal, gay trips to Bali, Kankles and family visits have kept the player of the year from showing his presence on the park. No face plants this season yet, apart from on 14 year old kids. The big man will lead the rear guard to the title you can guaranteee that.

Ben Weaver
Injury has kept him low key so far this season however he is jealous his bird has been to more games than him, back in the thick of it with a few extra pies round his waist.

Andy Croll
Our international defender shows up now and then on a visa run, you would think he’s coming from the Philippines to work in Duxton Hill for the weekend but he is usually spotted at sunshine plaza.

Dom Clonen
Might just be getting called Dom soon, always on International duty and entertaining his new found love which included a recent romantic getaway to Bali. The Skipper has not cooked for me in a couple months.

Yohann Guilloux
Another international playboy in the team who loves to jet in for the matches at the last minute. Not captured his form yet this as he is bagging an asian rather than goals. The Silky bean pole still has the magic feet to finish top goal scorer.

Tom Hutton
The Best looking man in TGA is as versatile as post-it note. The wannabe polo player has proved his worth between the sticks and at the bar. Hutton loves Free Flow, we all wish his goals where free flow as well. Now that he has moved out, Chay can not worry about being “viewed” again

David McCoo
Brown bears, Illness, Hangovers, Towers, the dark side keep this man away from the park, however when he does show, the Irishman does not disappoint. Will he stay or will he go in the December transfer window…

Ian Laird
Everyones favourite Scot… even Weavers. Everyone loves Sickboy, even your da, maw and yer dug. Bouncebackabilty from injury but yet to score one of his trademark wonder strikes. The last time he burst the back of the net he had to run to holland village!!!!

Benoit Boutrou
The 2nd half of the French alliance in TGA, another one who shows up when he chooses to or when his misses lets him. We need to get him back on the Shooters as he is boring now. More goals in this Chacal.

Sean Hearne
Still feeling the effects after the IRA ceasefire, the hard hitting Irishman is a rock in the defence when he is not injured. Struggles to make every week due to church commitments to wash away his sins he has commited throughout the week.

Phil Harding
Not captured the form he had last season as I think this is due to his new found love. Rumor has it he jetted to America to save his relationship after a 4 day smash up at the Singapore GP… Did anyone see Phil that weekend? Does he have new friends? Is he dead to you, like me?

Sunil Notani
Marathon runner, shop owner, hip hop dancer, TGAs very own little MP has it all well all that you can fit into 4ft 5inches. Quality season so far always a joy to watch him chuck it up on the park. Looks like he will win Goal of the season so far for his Magnificent strike against Barclays.

Ben Morley
Daddy, Daddy Cool… Back scoring again for TGA, the towering midfielder has become a father for the 2nd time. Will little Roco be proud of his dad at the end of the season for finishing Top Goal scorer,time will tell. Still no excuse to miss last weekends game due to your with giving birth… A little brown bear story is more plausible.

David Reynolds
Now know only as DAVID, the joint manager has racked up some playing time this season and put his injuries past him. David actually has potential if only he could run faster.. my tip, take Big Ben off your wrist…

Alex Noel
Al noes best, The striker has bagged more goals this season so far than women. Al got his nose broke during a cup game, but that was his own fault. He does like suprise sex and cruising around in his car.

Rahul Bowry
IPA IPA IPA, everyone just loves him even his mother in law. Rock on the park and would be good to see more of him as long as he brings his misses.

Nick Hughes
In 1 years time the only thing Hugsy will be addressing is his wife and maybe one day a baby owl. But then again we should warn her that he does like to punch people in the face….

Levent Mehmet
Where do we start. Squirting, Chocolate star fish licking, Russians, Americans, Scots, Morleys sister in law.. The boys is a machine, The James Bond wanabee shows flashes of brilliance on the pitch when he turns up. Did bag a hatrick once weekend and also scored for TGA 3 times on a sunday.

Marc Howard
Our ver own Chav from bolton. Manager Howard is also a love struck puppy, thus does not prevent him turning up though, only cheap Alarm clocks from the Mustafa centre do. A fantasy footbal bargain who will earn you cash by the end of the season. Manager Howard also loves to play Spider Pig

Chay Creighton
Any time Chay has turned up this season ( about 3 times) hes been solid, any time he has not showed up he has been solid in his misses at home on a Sunday morning.

Steve Smith
The christina agulera of the group, he loves the song Dirty. One of the hardest TGA boozers and his brother has a XXX company in Brazil… can we be your bezza kiwi?

Chris Jackson
New to the squad this season and showing he has what it takes to be in the TGA set up. The defender could not prevent himself from getting a kicking a couple months back. Jacko also has a friend with fake boobs.

Matt Sutton
The Ginger, The Fanta Pants, The orange candyflosh, Sutton has more step overs than leg overs… The emotial red head is hot to handle, however does have a soft side. A few of us recall him crying on the bus above the love he lost in shanghai

Ben Stockton
The Unit comes along when we call. The only reports I hear about him are when his headboard is slamming against the wall ploughing through Duxton Hill chicks.